I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
