Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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