I wish I could teleport
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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