I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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