oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
