If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
