I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
