"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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