And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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