we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I look better un-naked...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
