That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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