3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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