So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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