Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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