my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
