hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
