Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
