would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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