i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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