Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
