Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
should my penis look like a turkey
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
