used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
