There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
