Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Drake has all the answers
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
