P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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