were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
