We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
