I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
