do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
