What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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