Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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