Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
