I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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