i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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