two words: eviction party
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
