remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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