kristin has been a bad kristin
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
