He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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