I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
