on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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