I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
