she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
