she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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