ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
