remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
40s are totally the cure
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
