hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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