he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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