do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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