I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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