hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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