You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
